Would I marry him?

As I approach "dating age," I'm observing and figuring out what I'd want in a potential husband, and I've come up with two weed out questions:

1. Is he the man I want my sons to grow up to be?
2. Is he the man I want my daughters to have as their definition of a man?

If the answer to either one of them is "no" then he is automatically off the potentials list (not that I have one...).

Why are these questions absolutely essential and important to me?

- They don't let my insecurities get in the way.
"But he's so charming..."
"But he likes me so much...I'll never meet a guy that likes me so much...."
"But he's so smart..."
"But he's so...so...muscular... *faints*"
"He said I look pretty.  He must therefore be the only man in the world who is physically attracted to me."
"Doctor? My mom might approve."
"Doctor AND deacon?  Mom approves."

No matter what is making me attracted to him right now, which may very likely be due to some insecurity of mine, they force me to think about what really matters.

They also force me out of the illusion that I can look at him for his potential.  "Oh he would be perfect, if only he were a little more mature, if only he had this, but that will change, I'm sure I can help him change."  As my father of confession wisely told me, "Nobody changes.  I know that from experience."  It forces me to say to myself, "No Martha, stop evading the question.  Is he NOW the man you want your sons to grow up to be?"

-They keep me objective.
He might be entertaining, he might be romantic, he might be a great friend, but will he be a good father?  Can we work together as a team?  It's easy to be short sighted and think marriage is all about me, what's most compatible with me, will be make me happy, but in reality the bulk of your married years are spent just raising kids together.

-They help me tap into my gut feelings about a person.
I just intuitively know the answer to these questions when I am considering a guy.  Rather than wasting my time trying to rationalize good and bad, if something is "off" about him, these questions will hit the nail on the head.

-They serve as a lens/frame/filter for any other qualities I'd want to put on my list of potential-husband qualities.
Puts my head in the right place first before adding superfluous qualities.

-THEY ARE TRUE.
My sons will grow up to be who he is.  My daughters will have him as the model against which they judge every other man, as well as how they feel men should perceive and treat them as women.

I think these questions are ingenious and that everyone should use them when thinking about her future husband or his future wife.  You know you'll thank me later.

What are your thoughts?  Please tell me so I don't feel like a loser!

Suggest a Post!

Have a question or topic you want me to write a post about?  Suggest it in the comments of this post.

I wish I knew what I was thinking

A strange and perhaps interesting post I saved but never completed from about two years ago. I wonder where I was going with it.

"Pride"

Proud people can't stand humble people, and they certainly can't stand other proud people, but humble people find proud people to be rather amusing, and they certainly have a jolly old time with other humble people.

But the thing is, proud people have some sort of morbid attraction to other proud people, because they feed oh so well into each others' pride, and so they willingly enslave themselves to one anothers' addictions to themselves, each of them thinking they are fooling the other into being used by them but in reality they are fooling themselves and by their foolishness letting the other fool them as well, getting stuck in a love-hate relationship with them.

Then the humble people are still living life wonderfully and having enlightening conversations, willingly freeing one another and sharing with one another the truth in life, and flourishing in a love-love relationship.

And the only time the proud people get along is when they are sharing their frustration over the humble people, wishing they would just shut the hell up and stop enjoying life so much. But the irony of the situation is that the proud people are thinking about how humble they themselves must be to willingly be miserable, and thinking the humble people are actually the proud people who don't care about anyone but themselves.

But the humble people aren't thinking about any of that, they aren't thinking about how proud the other people are nor how humble they themselves are, because it's just part of their nature, and what the proud people are doing is rightly unnatural, in having to consciously evaluate how proud/humble they are/others are. But because they don't talk about these things, the proud people actually think what they are doing is totally natural because you can only talk about things you actually know something about. But the irony of this situation now is that the humble people don't talk about it because they know so much about it that they've graduated from the level of merely talking about it to actually doing it and incorporating it in everything they do in life. And it's not that they are oblivious to the pride of the actual proud people, but they aren’t offended at it the way the proud people are offended at the humility of the humble people which they perceive to actually be pride. The humble people, on the other hand, are aware of their own pride, and when they see the really prideful people, they just say to themselves, “Poor guy, he has the same disease I have and isn’t even aware of it.” You see the humble people and the proud people aren’t that much different, in fact they only differ in their awareness of the situation. The humble people attain their humility

Another Guest Post

From my younger mind.

Monday, 05 April 2010

"Faith as a Mustard Seed"

As an insect sheds her shell, her new layer soft, sensitive, and vulnerable to the surroundings, she is at the mercy of nature during this period of new growth, while this new, bigger, better shell hardens. It is a test of willpower for this insect: to hold out against the elements - or - to let them ruin her. And so is the case with growing in maturity.

I want to take off this old shell that is too small for me and not good for me anymore, but the coward in me is afraid of inviting the new found maturity because of the criticism from others that I will receive in the process; on the other hand, the valiant one in me says, hey, that is a part of life, growth never comes in peace. Growing in spite of the criticism is what makes the growth all the more valuable. This is the world we live in, the environment this insect was created in. It is the nature of humans to judge and impede growth as well as it is the nature of the insect to live and grow despite all odds. If the new shell can survive in spite of the outer torment it received and finally harden, the new armor itself is a testimony to the struggle it took to get there. The struggle is the admirable part, above all else, in the end.

What decision will I make? Will I stay in this shell that I have outgrown, growing and growing inside until I must burst, but because I am trapped inside of this shell, simply collapse upon myself and die? Well, evidently, cowardice cannot coexist with living. It is a cusp on the curve. The same point has two different limits coming from the right and the left, therefore it DNE. Does not exist. This critical point is death. So this decision is out of the question. Though I may die if I fail to survive against the elements, that is, the nature of humans to belittle others so that they might look larger, at least it is a testimony to the decision I made. At least I was found worthy to die this noble death. The struggle is the admirable part, above all else, in the end.

The only way to live is to struggle and destroy all urges that compel you otherwise. These things are impossible for man, but all things are possible with God.

Jesus Christ arose.

Guest post...

...from a younger Martha!

I used to consistently blog on xanga, and it was nice because you got consistent readership which encouraged you to stay committed to blogging, which encouraged you to stay committed to thinking about things worth thinking about and sharing them. However, the audience pool you get is really hit and miss, and having that consistent audience also leads to you slowly tailor your posts to their personalities/interests/potential criticisms.

I ultimately decided that readership is not my main goal, and that I want my mindset in posting to stay targeted toward a broad audience rather than just the people who happen across my site.

So here I am, on blogger, with no readership, hardly any consistency in posting, but enjoying the medium nonetheless. I saved all my xanga posts before I deleted the site, and I had some good stuff, so here is to reviving old thoughts.


"Growth" from September 4, 2009

When we are born, we are born completely egocentric and completely in the care and trust of humans. The purpose of our struggle until death is to die completely humble, and with complete trust in God. We die completely independent of the human, terminal, earthly things; and we die with a completely objective understanding of life and reality--something that can only be achieved by humility.

My memory's failing but I remember two things very clearly: I'm a great sinner and Christ is a great Savior. - John Newton

Improving the Face and the Soul

Whenever I buy new makeup I am always excited.  It is exciting to try it on, because it represents the prospect of looking prettier.  Improving my outward appearance.  But why am I not this happy and excited when I think of those things which bring the prospect of improving my inward being?  Which set me on the road to becoming more virtuous?  When I buy new makeup I am reminded, I need to enjoy waking up early for church, standing up for prayer, reading the Bible, just as much.

One's outward appearance is only useful if it reflects on what is inward. - H.G. Bishop David

Misunderstanding and Inner Peace

I think the feeling of being misunderstood uproots inner peace undelayingly.  Much of my reliance on God stems from the peace of heart and mind I attain from the knowledge that there is Someone who understands, even if the whole world misunderstands.  He feeds this unquenchable desire to be understood, which is undoubtedly part of our need to be loved.  He turns the tables around.  Instead of me straining myself to explain and help Him understand me, as I would with any other person, He understands me better than I understand myself.  He explains me to me; the beautiful mystery is that not only am I understood by this All-Knowing and All-Loving Being, but the more I understand Him the more I understand myself.

I cannot imagine a relationship with any human being being like this, where you have no need to speak, because they already know, and where the more you understand this person and spend time with them, the deeper and truer becomes your understanding of yourself.  This relief from insecurity, this Sustainor of inner peace, could not be more perfect and complete...

Love which stems from created things is like a small lamp whose light is sustained by being fed with olive-oil.  Again, it is like a river fed by rainfall; once the supply that feeds it fails, the surge of its flow abates.  But love whose cause is God is like a spring welling up from the depths: its flow never abates, for God alone is that spring of love whose supply never fails. - St. Isaac the Syrian